Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Halloween: The Worst American Tradition

Yesterday, October 31, as the clouds rent and the skies poured forth, as can only happen in Texas, little butterflies started to dance within' my fever-addled body. If week two of sickness continued to sit like a pox on my house, then at least other people would suffer with me.

Poor little cherubs everywhere could come begging for candy but they would have to do it drenched and miserable. What fun!

Alas, it stopped raining early enough that the miscreants and those who spawned them could still bumble up my very darkened door (isn't that a sign to trick or treaters to move on?) and bellow "TRICK OR TREAT!" before clamorously racing to ring the doorbell. It's times like these that government restrictions on rocket launchers seem restrictive.

People get more misanthropic as they age some say. Maybe so. It's the explicit threat that peeves me about Halloween. Treat, or else? Or else what?

Sure, it's fun to dress up and pretend to be someone else--preferably a superhero. That can be done at other times in other ways. Teaching our kids to beg and threaten and then rot their teeth out?

And another thing! When did it become acceptable for 20 year olds to trick or treat? Do people have no shame? Get a job, for pete's sake and buy some candy.

Thankfully the whole nasty event is over. A truly American holiday, Thanksgiving, beckons. Eat everything in sight and watch football like a gluttonous slug. Go Lions!
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