Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Galveston, I Mean Gallows Humor

If I haven't already offended most of you in my blog, then I'm not trying hard enough. So, here is another warning: cheeky story follows. If you lack a sense of humor or if the use of the word "hell" (as in hades) bothers you, I suggest that you proceed no further. Again, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Please, no church lectures. We've already established that I'm a bad seed and working on it.

Subject: Chemistry mid term

The following is an actual question given on a University

of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one

student was so "profound" that the professor shared it

with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,

why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or

endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using

Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when

it is compressed) or some variant. Onestudent, however,

wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing

in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are

moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I

think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets

To Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the

different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of

these religions state that if you are not a member of their

religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one

of these religions and since people do not belong to

more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to

Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can

expect the number of souls in Hell to increase


Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell

because Boyle'sLaw states that in order for the

temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the

volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls

are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at

which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and

pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of

souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will

drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during

my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before

I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept

with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus

I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen

over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has

frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more

souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven

thereby proving the existence of a divine being

which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh

my God."

More blogs about the woodlands rita.