Monday, August 22, 2005

Funny Church Sayings

This was forwarded from my mom from Cheryl Richardson the life coach. Here it is:

In the spirit of summer fun, this week's newsletter comes from an email I
received from my father-in-law, Curt, who loves to send messages that make
me laugh (thanks Curt!). Here are 20 sentences that actually appeared in
church bulletins or were announced during church services. I hope you get
a chuckle out of them, too!

1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

2. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: Searching for Jesus.

3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your

4. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

5. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

6. Miss Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

7. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

8. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.

9. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

10. Irving and Jessie were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.

11. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

12. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

13. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

14. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

15. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

16. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

17. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

18. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.

19. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this

20. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

21. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge- now - Up Yours."
More blogs about the woodlands rita.